Fighting Without Freedom

What must i do in this life

to free myself from this pain.

Pain that never fades inside,

slowly torn apart into pieces

All the right moves u say?

i dont believe those lies

All Choices have there price

some more steep then others

Let me ask u this question,

was it worth what u did to me?

the pain u drove deep within

my healing thriving heart?

I found the solution to the issue

i left u to suffer by yourself

an yet even now as i sit here

i feel that pain like it was mine

Why am i cursed to feel this?

what did i do to deserve it?

i search every nook an cranny

an yet still cant find an answer

No matter my choices all seem to

come with a price tag that i bear

until it finally becomes to heavy

An i fall, only to be crushed by you

Is there no answer to this question?

A soul always meant to live with pain

Never to end regardless of the facts

Am i fighting a war that i cannot win?

Feeling Of Unknowing

U ask, how are u feeling?

I dont know if im ok anymore

i just say im doing alright

when inside i want to cry

Why hide this, u ask of me?

i simply do not know why.

Feelings are running amuck

happy yet sad, mad yet happy

When youre feeling happy

an sad the next moment

its very hard to think when

even u yourself cant understand

So why am i feeling like this?

why cant i seem to get a grip

what is the reasoning behind

this feeling of no self control

I want someone to tell me,

i cant see why inside theres,

so much pain that i want

to just die to end this all

Happy one moment in life

yet feeling hurt an sad next

Theres no reason to this,

madness inside of my heart.

So please help me quickly

help me to understand it,

make these feelings stop

Before it claims my life

All From You

Feelings that once were concealed

Are now fully expressed to you.

Days that once were brutally stormy

Are now the brightest of all blues.

The times that were lonely

Are now filled with pure joy.

All that once was mine alone

Are things we both hold tight.

Nights that once were cold as snow

Are now comforting and warm as

a the suns warm summer glow .

My fears are now replaced with cheers

My heart that was shattered

An can now finally fully mend.

i was a person once alone in life,

Now loved even though strife

Dreams that once i had longed for

Are now all coming to be true.

The love I once thought was gone

I have now and forever in you .

Rose Ina Sea Of Thorns

In this world, u walk carefully

so as not to be hurt by the many

elusive thorns that can tear into you,

leaving permanent damage inside

Take a look out into the world

Tell me what u see out there.

U say a vast sea full of thorns,

I say look deeper into the sea

While this world may always hold

a deadly sea of thorns at every turn.

There is always rose hidden within,

a glimmer of hope in this dark world

A rose could mean different things

to many different kinds of people

To some its a beautiful sign to them

that there are better things to come

Others like me, the beautiful rose,

is of symbol of love, of someone

we love in this unforgiving world

a hope for a new start or true love

The Rose could also very well be,

a way for us to swim out of this sea

an return the happiness we once

held so very dear, deep within us.

So the question remains for those

trapped in this sea of sharp thorns

Will u keep going until u find a rose,

or will u simply give up an perish?

Rose Of Love

Love is like a red rose

while beautiful to hold

also holds the ability

to hurt u very badly

When u hold onto it tight

its beauty shines so bright

it makes u happy to see

that there is happiness

Take a wrong angle at it tho,

it can be very painful to u

leaving marks an scars,

on whats left after u let go

Once u have one in your hands

what do u choose to do with it

do u take care of it an let it florish?

or sit there an slowly let it fade?

Only one question still remains,

What do u do with that rose,

once your holding onto one,

do u cherish it, or let it die?

Poison Filled Veins

Look inside of my body itself

everything looks just fine inside

thats a lie if u truly cannot see

the poison that surges in my veins

Some can see that an some cannot

those are how u can seprate people

between who truly cares an who doesnt

Those who lie to u or that speak truth

Now look again at my veins an what do u see?

u see pain, hatred, neverending sadness,

u look at me weird, trying to figure out

how this is even possible to be like this

The world has the ability to make u

feel amazing or a lost soul on this earth

ive turned into something truly different

a normal human with poison filled veins

How can u survive this when your so infected?

Honestly theres no answer to that question

pain over time corrupts whatever is left

of what used to be a normal happy soul

Once happy now turned into a darkend soul

take a cut from my wrist an watch what color

flows out from these veins, red or black?

i see black as night, so what do u see?

Is it possible to live like this u ask?

i tell u its do able tho u may not like it

every choice has a price attached

some more costly then others are

the choices u will make will determine

the level of poison that surges through u

turning u into something totally different

from that of what is to be considered normal

I will live through this tragedy someday

hoping to be freed of the poisons within

ending this pain, hatred ive held inside

To smile an have it not be a lie once again

Is Happiness Possible?

As i lay here looking out my window

looking into the moon that shines

bright against my eyes, i wonder

Is finding Happiness even possible?

Some say yes it is a possiblity

only if u know where to look.

i think there lying to me to,

keep me alive for god knows why

Those who say it isnt possible

no matter where u can look

i think there lying as well to me

their too afraid to look for thereselves

So i ask god, is there a way to be happy?

i get no response as i sit there waiting

so i stay outside in the pouring rain,

to gather my thoughts before i move

Then when i get my chance to talk to u

even if its for a minute, i still smile

what is it about u that just instantly

lights up my day no matter how im feeling

The answer comes to my mind an heart

ive fallen for u an i dont want to get back up

youre as pure as the clearest diamond

someone id want to cherish forever in heart

But the answer to will u become mine

is still something ive no idea to

will u say yes or will there be a no

this i know, with u im always happy

So what do i do as i sit an wonder

is it that easy to gain happiness?

just to have u ? is it that simple?

With time i will know the answer

Is It Worth It To Fight?

At What Point do u decide

Whether or not u choose,

to stay in the fight an suffer

or leave to spare those u love

On the left hand, u love them

so u wish to not let them suffer

to give your all to them

an yet die to create pain

On the right hand, u want them happy

So when do u decide if its time

to make that choice that in the end

that will spare them a greater pain

As i look over both choices, i realize

both are considered as a loss

but one or the other determines

the amount of pain to the ones u love

So now the choice is up to u

what will u do with them?

will u save yourself an them

or keep as u are an leave more pain

Neither Choice seems acceptable does it?

If only there was a way to not choose

But Life isnt that forgiving is it?

So do u spare them ? or live with pain?

Do U See Me Like That?

People always say that friendships

should be forever treasured.

But I want something more with her,

more so then i think she even knows

I only wish she could see how I feel.

So I wonder, what do I do about this?

Can I only just be friends with her?

Or can I tell her "I'm falling for you,"

Will I lose her friendship forever?

So is there any hope for this?

Or I should let my love for her end,

An just continue on with my life?

Could it blossom into something special?

Something that no one could take away

Maybe she knows, maybe she doesn't

Only time will tell what the outcome is

But no matter how it all turns out,

If it blossoms or if it burns to the ground

This is someone ill always love an that,

I'll always be her friend in the end

Agony Inside

Look at me, what do u see?

someone who seems to be fine

or someone whos lost the will,

to even still live on this earth?

if u think im fine, then u are blind

the pain i hold inside is so grim

Easily making your dark world

look like a nice walk in the park

To those who see the pain inside

do u really see whats inside?

or are u blind as well to it?

wouldnt be a surpise to me

the pain inside is because of loss

the chance to live being happy

shattered by my own human flaws

never to recover from that fate

That is the price u pay for indecisiveness

For once u realize what u truly had

its too late to ever get that back

so youre left only to hate youself

So whats left to do after youve lost it all?

do u sit here an cry night after night

waiting for death to claim your life

in hopes the pain goes away forever?

Or do u try to find a way to get that back?

even if its gone forever theres always that hope

or u try to get up an crawl your way slowly out

of this grim hell uve dug yourself into

whichever u do, will determine who u are

are u the one whos weak an unwilling to move

or the one who may not enjoy living but still moves

i ponder which one with time ill be in the end

Key To The Angels Refuge

Some people ask this, is there really ?

such a thing as a key to happiness?

A place where all the pain fades

an u live happily ever after?

Watching those u care about suffer

is not something so easily done

especially when u know that,

there mightve been a way to save them

I sit here an try to fix things for others

fully aware that it might cost me,

my life in this painful process

but what good would that do?

People look at me an wonder

can he really be a savoir ?

or an angel of death for those,

who are on their last legs

I stand here wondering which am i?,

the shining angel or a heartless demon

or am i something else entirely?

i ponder this thought very intenstly

All the sudden the answer comes to me

Im Neither the Angel or Demon at all

Possibly the guardian? No i am,

simply the key to angels safe refuge

Angel's Guardian

When u look at me

what do u see?

do u see an angel

or a selfish demon?

Ive been put on this earth

to protect those who are

deemed as angels to us

who walk among us everyday

Im a demon in my eyes

yet i seem to guard those

who are not like me

those who are seen as angels

So i sit there an help them along

picking them up when there down

dusting off them off until clean

an putting them right back on there way

A demon who saves Angels ,

Why do i do this, u ask?

Because simply ive been put

on this earth, to keep them strong

No hope for myself, this is what u do not realize,

A demon doesnt need to care about its own life,

long as the angels survive to keep others alive.

In the end thats the only thing that matters to me

Release Of Defeat

i seem to have fallen

to the ground so hard

an angel from the sky

now left of this earth

i wait to be picked up

but no one can lift this weight

that is keeping me down

yet somehow im able to lift others

why is that so?

am i predestined

to be a spirit or guardian?

to those in need of help

As i look at my myself ina mirror

i see blood that drips slowly off me

trying to release all pain

from this core within me

I bleed as others try to save me

they dont understand there is

but one who truly can

but she is not here for me

So I wait until my blood runs dry

letting my soul feel free

so that my pain may now fade

an all my pain will subside

What To Believe In

U ask me what i believe in,

I say i believe in nothing

U ask why dont u?

i say ive lost faith

U say explain it to me

i say what is there to believe

when u hear two stories, which is true

both equal pain so why believe?

U say it could provide the answer

i simply tell u, i dont care anymore

the pain is too great an im losing it

so why save me now, i already feel slain

To believe in something is a fool's joke

a clown in a mask with nothing left to hide.

to believe in someone is a worse move,

so why bother believing in what is true

u say it can do so much good,

i tell u it just doesnt matter anymore

steal my pain so there is only happy,

i laugh at that because life is only pain

I ask of u to do one thing,

set me on fire so my pain may burn.

At this moment i know what i believe in

i believe deaths kiss will be my sweet release

Life Is A Game

life is a game

that all must play,

whether we destory

or corrode ourselves

the question is

does it really matter?

Are u defined as good or bad

whether u lead someone

to there own death?

or to a brand new life?

Are u known as successful

if u crush all the lowly ones

in youre path to ascend,

in the ranks of a business?

Are u considered Strong or Weak

if u can make choices others cant?

Being given control of someones life,

an discerning there life is up?

life is but a mere game in the end

for the choices we make affect the world

whether we live or we die

we all must play this cruel game named life

Pain That Never Fades

i slit my wrist

to watch me bleed

i need help,

from this evil deed

please come save me,

im fading fast

soon to be nothing more

then see through

like fresh made glass

i need u more then ever

in my life its my only endeavor

to gain back a life we once held

so close to our hearts in this time

i wish the means were there for us

to be with eachother as is

As for now youll still be

the angel from my nightmare

showing me how much u care

relieving me from my pain

that i cannot bear alone

so please come quickly before

i fade into eternal darkness

where no light will ever save me

Corruption

Corruption Is like a virus that spreads

tearing apart everything in its path

its goal? to leave nothing left

of what once was a kind person

Once its run its course

all thats left of someone

is a darkened soul

to walk the earth in misery

to never to shine again

i hear the cries of these ones

as i slowly become one of them

not knowing how to save myself

i scream out in pain but no one hears

crying out your name but hearing no answer

i wish i knew how to save myself but

I dont know what to do anymore

im losing control slowly day by day

corruption is taking over an soon

there will be nothing left of me

Fighting An Unwinnable War

As i look around at the wars around the world

i wonder are those truly as bad as the war

that i fight within my own heart ?

To sit there alone ina pitch black room

with nothing else but my own thoughts to hear

staring into this darkness only to see a life

i once held so dear only now to only dream about

watching the memories in my head smiling

only to watch u slowly fade into the darkness

as to say i still have u would be a lie in my heart

wishing it would be me being allowed to hold u again

yet what am i do in this unwinnable war within me ?

wishing that my pain would soon subside

only to deepen an burrow into my soul clinging

never to get rid off only suffer until the soul is gone

as ill lay here thinking the rest of my days

will this war ever be won? or is there only lose an pain?

Fallen Spirit

As i sit here crying, looking out this window

im reminded of the pain brought on by myself

staring at a moon that once brought hope

now brings enternal pain an agony

Looking on as the life i once held

trying to hold on to only watch it slip

through these bleeding hands

releasing the pain inside only for a second

only to be thrown back to reality

This pain comes from losing u

a pain too great even for me to handle

wishing the past could be brought back

trying to sleep only to no avail

only to be haunted by my own memories

Wishing the hands of time would stop

so i could have peace not having to move

freeing my heart of this intense pain

but yet time is not so forgiving

forced to live how i am now until

the day death finally releases its hold on me

My Way Out

I've said it, admitted it,
Spoken my defeat.
I'm hating it, despising it,
I know that I've been beat.
It's holding me back, breaking me down,
Consuming me alive.
It's underneath, where no one can see,
It's hidden behind my closed eyes.
My fear controls me, traps and holds me,
Like the pen that writes these lines.
It's raiding me, persuading me,
Scrambling my mind.
It overtakes me, tries to break me,
Forcing its way in.
It's turning me, and churning me,
Becoming my worst sin.
It's blaming me, prevailing me,
From everything I know.
It's purging me, and urging me,
It keeps telling me "no."
It's driving me, depriving me,
I see the end in sight.
It's keeping me, I'm deepening,
It's getting dark as night.
Obviously, no one can see,
How hard it's pushing down.
I'm confident my life will end
I've found that's my way out.
My fear has torn me, stretched and worn me,
I've chosen my one route.

Losing The One I Love

these tears i shed will never go away
the tears that fall, will remind me of that pain
the pain of loss is what i speak
the pain that made me fall to my knees
this pain is what i so despise but,
what can i do but fall and cry
i loss my way,
to this never ending pain
i loss reason
to why i should go on
the answers i come to will forever haunt
my dreams
this pain of my loss
is what truly makes me sceam
this yelling person who is me
will forever continue to cry and sceam
thats why i hate to have these tears fall from my eyes
this nightmare of falling tears is what i truly despise

What Do I Do

Falling from grace
Has a hard landing
But before I beg to live
I'll proudly die standing

Because pleading for mercy
Is not the life for me
I'll gladly sacrifice eternity
If I can die free

My wingspan far exceeds
The walls of this cage
That you happily bound me to
Due to my anger and rage

I won't be taken easily
I refuse to go without a fight
I'll die for what I believe
Whether or not I'm wrong, I'm right

So this is your one warning
This is not for the faint of heart
Because I'll live or die trying
And attempting to stop me will a bloody war start

Three Words To U

Just three little words
don't seem like enough
for someone whose laugh
still brightens my day,
whose love can make me forget
the rest of the world.

They don't seem like enough
for someone who's always been there
to celebrate with me
when everything goes my way
and to hold my hand
when my whole world
seems to fall apart.

But even though "I Love You"
can't express the depth
of my feelings for you.
I hope you know what's in my heart.
Because loving you
means more to me
than anything in the world
and it always will.

U Are This To Me

You are heaven on a painful earth,
More valuable than life is worth,
I wish you were always here,
Losing you is my greatest fear,
When I dream it's your voice I hear,
I hold every word you say dear,
You are a healthy addiction,
You take away pain without prescription,
You are truly a work of art,
you'll always there in my heart
God has truly blessed my life,
and soon one day, youll be my wife

My Love To You

I never really knew you
i thought you were just going to
to be another friend
But when I got to know you,
I let my heart unbend.
I couldn't help past memories
that would only make me cry
I had to try to forget my first love
and give love another try
So I've fallen in love with you
and I'll never let you go
I love you more than anyone
I just had to let you know
And if you ever wonder why
I don't know what I'll say
just know I'll never stop loving you
each and every day
My feelings for you will never change
Just know my feelings are true
Just remember one thing
i will always Love You

To You

You changed my world with a blink of an eye
That is something that I can not deny
You put my soul from worst to best
That is why I treasure you my babygirl anita

You just don't know what you have done for me
You even pushed me to the best that I can be
You really are an angel sent from above
To take care of me and shower me with love

When I'm with you, im not afraid of wat could be
for your touch have chased away all of my fear
You have given me a life that I could live worthwhile
It is even better everytime you smile

It so magical those things you've made
To bring back my faith that almost fade
Now my life is a dream come true
It all began when I was loved by you

Now I have found what I am looking for
It's you and your love and nothing more

I wish I could talk 'til the end of day of our days
But now I'm running out of things to say
So I'll end by the line you already know
I love you more than you know

To The One I Love

my greatest happiness came from my love to you
for i have never known the meaning of love until i met you
your love touched my heart and brought so much happiness to me
today, im grateful for the love that was bestowed upon me
i found that my happiness comes from loving you
sometimes, i miss you so much and your absence is very painful
but when i carry your heart within me then my happiness is endless
when i am sad, your sweet words brings me happiness
when my heart wants to know the meaning of love
i look to you to show me that or love is true
without you there is no happiness in my life but with you my life is full of hopes
and dreams that one day will come true
i hope our love never ends so that sadness can never set in

Dont Be Fooled By Me

Don't be fooled by me.
Don't be fooled by the face I wear for I wear a mask,
a thousand masks, masks that I'm afraid to take off,
and none of them is me.

Pretending is an art that's second nature with me,
but don't be fooled, for my sake don't be fooled.
I give you the impression that I'm secure,
that all is sunny and unruffled with me,
within as well as without,
that confidence is my name and coolness my game,
that the water's calm and I'm in command and that I need no one,
but don't believe me.
My surface may seem smooth but my surface is my mask,
ever varying and ever- concealing.
Beneath lies no complacence.
Beneath lies confusion, and fear, and aloneness.
But I hide this.
I don't want anybody to know it.
I panic at the thought of my weakness exposed.
That's why I frantically create a mask to hide behind,
a nonchalant sophisticated facade,
to help me pretend,
to shield me from the glance that knows.

But such a glance is precisely my salvation,
my only hope, and I know it.
That is, if it's followed by acceptance,
if it's followed by love.
It's the only thing that can liberate me from myself,
from my own self-built prison walls,
from the barriers I so painstakingly built.
It's the only thing that will assure me of what I can't assure myself,
that I'm really worth something.
But I don't tell you this.
I don't dare to, I'm afraid to.
I'm afraid your glance will not be followed by acceptance,
will not be followed by love.
I'm afraid you'll think less of me,
that you'll laugh, and your laugh would kill me.
I'm afraid that deep down I'm nothing
and that you will see this and reject me.

So I play my game, my desperate pretending game,
with a facade of assurance without and a trembling child within.
So begins the glittering but empty parade of masks,
I tell you everything that's really nothing,
and nothing of what's everything,
of what's crying within me.
So when I'm going through my routine
do not be fooled by what I'm saying.
Please listen carefully and try to hear what I'm not saying,
what I'd like to be able to say,
what for survival I need to say,
but what I can't say.

I don't like hiding.
I don't like playing superficial phony games.
I want to stop playing them.
I want to be genuine and spontaneous and me
but you've got to help me.
You've got to hold out your hand
even when that's the last thing I seem to want.
Only you can wipe away from my eyes
the blank stare of the breathing dead.
Only you can call me into aliveness.
Each time you're kind, and gentle, and encouraging,
each time you try to understand because you really care,
my heart begins thaw

With your power to touch me into feeling
you can breathe life into me.
I want you to know that.
I want you to know how important you are to me,
how you can be a creator--an honest-to-God creator--
of the person that is me if you choose to.
You alone can break down the wall behind which I tremble,
you alone can remove my mask,
you alone can release me from my shadow world of panic,
from my lonely prison,
if you choose to.

Do not pass me by.
It will not be easy for you.
A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls.
The nearer you approach to me the blinder I may strike back.
I fight against the very thing I cry out for.
But I am told that love is stronger than strong walls
and in this lies my hope.
Please try to beat down those walls
with firm hands but with gentle hands
for a child with in me is very sensitive.

What is life?

Life is a prison,
Oh somebody, let me out.
No one to listen,
To hear when you shout.

Climb the walls of insanity,
Ride the waves of despair.
If you fall it doesnt matter,
There's no one to care.

Watching freedom is painful,
For those locked away.
Seeing joy, love and happiness,
Another price that you pay.

Strong is good, weak is bad.
Be it false, be it true.
Your mind makes the choice,
And enforces it too.

Cell walls built by society,
With rules to adhere.
If you breach the acceptable,
You had better beware.

Hide the pain, you have to carry on,
Routine is the key.
Don't let on that you're not,
What you're pretending to be.

Lock it all up inside you,
How badly that bodes.
Look out for that one day,
When it all just explodes.

so how do you grow,
With a timebomb inside?
Or how to defuse it,
Without destroying your life?

Midnight Skies

Oh gentle winds 'neath moonlit skies,
Do not you hear my heartfelt cries?

Below the branches, here about,
Do not you sense my fear and doubt?
Glistening rivers, sparkling streams,
Do not you hear my woeful screams?

Upon the meadows, touched with dew,
Do not you see my hearts a'skew?
Beneath the hundred twinkling stars,
Do not you feel my jagged scars?

Seek not my mournful heart kind breeze,
For you'll not find it amongst these trees.

It's scattered 'cross the moonlit skies,
Accompanied by my heartfelt sighs.
It's drifting o're the gentle rain,
A symbol of my silent pain.

It's buried beneath the meadow fair,
Conjoined with all the sorrow there.
It's lost among the stars this night,
Too far to ease my quiet fright.

No gentle winds, seek not my heart,
For simply ... it has torn apart.